Should || Would || Could || DID.

Should. Would. Could. Did.

I should be able to play piano right now, but I never really practiced when I was younger.
I would have gone on a missions trip to India in 8th grade if I wasn't scared of my past.
I could have play soccer in high school if I believed in myself.
But I did apply for my American FFA Degree, the highest achievement for FFA members, and received it at the National FFA Convention in 2014.

Receiving my American FFA Degree in Louisville in 2014.

There are many dreams I've had, but never took the opportunity to pursue because I didn't think I was able to achieve it, or I didn't look for the resources necessary.
I should have done this. I would have done that. I could have been there. But what about the "did"?

For the past 18 months, I did and was the New Jersey national FFA officer candidate. For two conventions, I got the awesome opportunity to represent my state and FFA members from all walks of life as I pursued my dream to serve the National FFA Organization as a National FFA Officer. I studied for months on end, knowing all about agricultural education, the agricultural industry, FFA and more importantly discovering myself. On that journey I got to meet some incredible friends, develop deep relationships with mentors and build a stronger understanding of who Lauren was and what she stood for. And when the first convention's election came around on November 1st, 2014 (and that heart-wrenching music played), guess who's name wasn't called? Lauren Fillebrown from New Jersey. Pain was felt, but ultimately it just meant there was a higher plan and another calling!

My beautiful mom and I crying our eyes out once I found out I made the cut and advanced to the second round of interviews the first year I ran in 2014.

Deciding to run again for a second time, with more excitement and love for the organization than ever before, convention quickly approached. Running a second time definitely was scary, but I'm so glad I was blessed with the opportunity. For a second time, I got to wait with the other candidates in anticipation on October 31,2015 as that heart-wrenching music played during the elections. And for a second time, guess who's name wasn't called again? Lauren Fillebrown from New Jersey. My heart felt it immediately, my knees buckled and tears rolled down my face. My heart was broken, and my dream which I worked so long for came to an end.

Smiling and crying happy and sad tears after the national officers were elected this past year at convention (2015).

It was my sophomore year of high school when I first attended the National FFA Convention when a shy Christian girl with potential heard a national FFA officer's retiring address in which she said spoke about her faith in God. Struggling during that week to be bold in my faith, I was inspired to be brave to help others find their worth through the FFA's leadership opportunities. I knew I wanted to be a national officer from that day on.

My brother, Nathan, and I at the Phillipshurg FFA Chapter banquet in 2011. Nathan is the reason why I joined FFA!

Many years and FFA experiences later, I got the opportunity to meet some incredible people from across the country, including national FFA officers. During my junior year of high school, I was blessed by being elected as a New Jersey State FFA Officer where I could make impacts on members throughout my state. After retiring from that position and going away to school for a year, I felt called back to the FFA and prayerfully considered pursuing my dream. Fast forward 18 months with tremendous amounts of growth, lots of knowledge learned and two conventions without my name being called to the big FFA stage- I'm still that same girl who wants to inspire others to find their worth. 

The 2012-2013 NJ State FFA Officer Team that I was blessed to be part of!

Yeah, my dream didn't come true. Sometimes- no, most of the time- life doesn't go as we plan. Yes, we can plan (and believe me I am a planner) but no matter what, there are certain things we can't control like our cars breaking down, loosing a loved one or being turned down for a job. And it's in those moments that we can't be angry with ourselves and others- we have to be stronger and know that we tried.. And ultimately we need to find faith in knowing there's another plan. You may have tried out for that sports team not knowing if you'd make it, you may have asked for help when you knew the answer may be "no", you may have worn that outfit even though you thought you looked bad. You did something that you didn't know what the outcome would be. And whether or not you succeeded, that fact that you tried in itself IS enough.

My hometown chapter surprised me with this sign in 2014... I am so blessed!

Before leaving for national convention in 2015, my hometown chapter surprised me yet again. I'm so thankful for them!

It was eighteen months of hard work and training, but I remember it was about six years of thinking that I was being called to serve as a national FFA officer. Things didn't work out as I hoped, but the friends I have gained from the FFA, the experiences and opportunities I've had, the successes I've been blessed with, the challenges I've had to overcome- it was all enough. It was all worth it.

The best support system a person could ever ask for! So thankful for each one of these mentors and friends who have helped me become the womanI am today.

The 2014 National Officer Candidates- great leaders and friends!!

The 2015 National Officer Candidates- a great group of friends and leaders!

I won't tell you that it doesn't hurt... BUT there is joy in knowing that I stepped out and took a leap of faith, and while relying on my Foundation, I fell into the arms of people who love and care for me, along with remembering my value and where I belong in the world; who I am and who I belong to.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity. She can laugh at the days to come."
Proverbs 31:25

Having five FFA jackets already, my dream one day was to have a 6th with nothing but the emblem on the back. Although that didn't happen, those five FFA jackets that I have remind me of my potential and showed me what I'm capable of, and how thankful I should be.

During my state officer year, I was able to actually hold (eeeek!) a past national officer's jacket in which I was inspired even more to reach my dream.  

One of my biggest dreams was to serve as a National FFA Officer... And that dream didn't come true.
But,
I should have ran for national FFA office.
I would have ran for national FFA office.
I could have ran for national FFA office.
I did run for national FFA office not once but twice and even though I wasn't elected, it was a journey to look back and smile on.

Sometimes the reason for your smile is joy.
But sometimes your joy is the reason for you smile.
Find joy in the journey.

Just a really blessed girl who dreams big,
Lauren Abigail